If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
