Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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