There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
