I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch