Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research