ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
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He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
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Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!