I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
