So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
