also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
