I think my fart just growled at me.
is wine microwaveable?
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Randomize
