I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
