i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
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