Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
