Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
