Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
