I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
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