It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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