I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Just cropdusted the office
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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