And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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