dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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