dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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