Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
