My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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