Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
3 2 1 whiskey
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
