You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
whose parrot is this?
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
