I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
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Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
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I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
We're hate flirting, damnit.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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