I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
