we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Randomize
