Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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