I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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