I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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