If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
