thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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