weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Randomize
