Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
We are all done wearing pants today
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
