saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
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Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
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I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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