She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
