i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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