Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
