WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
