Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
