why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
