Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
