Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
