if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
