Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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