he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
