He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
