Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
