You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
