I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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