just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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