The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
