I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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