i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
