Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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