I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
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