its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
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