Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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