it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
