I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
