his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize