I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize