I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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