woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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