Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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