Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
