Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
