My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
