I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
being pregnant is like rehab
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
