My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
