nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Randomize
