You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Operation Purity has been aborted
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Randomize
