I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
