I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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