everyone is single if you try hard enough
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
