You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
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At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
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All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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